Dont Try To Fix It You Cant
Dear Husband you can fix a lot of things, but you cannot fix this. Its important for you to know that theres a big difference between helping and fixing. You can help your wife by supporting her choices in a treatment plan. Help her by embracing her as she cries and struggles to understand whats going on inside of her. But please, oh please, dont minimize her struggle by trying to fix it you cant.
Do I Need Health Insurance To Receive This Service
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
Ask Them How They’re Doing
This might seem obvious, but its easy to overlook how a mom is doing when an adorable newborn enters the picture. Dote over the baby, yes, but be sure to check in on a new mom’s feelings, too. How are you feeling? How has life changed with a baby? These simple questions might give your loved one the opportunity to talk about something they’ve been feeling, but haven’t been able to express.
If they’re not ready to talk, dont force them to share their feelings. Instead, gently remind them that youre available for them and want to offer your support whenever they’re ready. Empathy, compassion, and a listening ear go a long way to help someone struggling with postpartum depression. Rather than trying to solve the problem, let them talk and cry if necessary.
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What Is Samhsa’s National Helpline
SAMHSAs National Helpline, , or TTY: is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.
Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.
Encourage Them To Seek Help If Things Don’t Improve
According to midwife Tessa it’s important to “encourage the affected parent to seek help from their midwife, GP or health visitor if symptoms are ongoing.” Postpartum depression and anxiety won’t always disappear or improve on its own, so it’s important to seek help when needed.
Dr Tess says, “remember, it is not your responsibility to ‘fix’ them, but by doing some of these things you can do to support them and ease distress.”
We hope this blog has offered some practical tips and advice for partners who want to help their loved one during their transition to parenthood. Read our Maternal Mental Health Q& A with Dr Tess and Midwife Tessa where we share the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety.
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Signs Your Wife Has Postpartum Depression
Ill be honest with you Im not a doctor and Im also not a mom. Instead, Im a husband and dad who suffered alongside my wife with undiagnosed postpartum depression.
Im not going to tell you the symptoms of postpartum depression according to the textbook Instead, I want to share the signs I saw that all pointed to PPD, even though I didnt know it at the time. Side note, my wife read through this post before I published it to give her stamp of approval.
Seeking Your Own Support
While offering support is vital to a womans recovery from postpartum depression, it can be a challenge for partners to remain supportive if they too are struggling. It is important for partners to seek their own support if needed.
Husbands, partners or spouses can discuss concerns with a family physician, spend time with friends and family, or even seek their own therapy treatments with a mental health professional to ease stress.
Reaching out to loved ones is a great way to build a stronger support network for both the couple. This may include asking friends and other family members for help with child care, attending appointments, household tasks or any other area where help is needed.
Additionally, husbands and partners may find that they need to seek their own support from a mental health professional. This could be counseling or therapy to help them manage their feelings and stress.
Postpartum depression support groups and online forums are also available specifically for partners of those with PPD. These groups allow loved ones to share their own stories and provide each other with encouragement and understanding. Support groups help husbands and partners express emotions they may not otherwise feel they can share.
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How Can Family Members Support Depressed Dads
The first step is to recognize whats going on and take it seriously. If you notice a personality shift in a dad who is expecting or has a new baby, encourage him to talk with a mental health professional.
After your baby comes, tips to support dad include:
- Encouraging him to be involved with the baby, bathing, dressing, or feeding him or her whenever possible.
- Taking childcare shifts so you both get adequate sleep. Family members of single parents can step in to make sure mom or dad gets as much rest as possible.
- Spending time together. Understand that its common for your sex life to change after having a baby.
Finally, make sure dad knows prenatal and postpartum depression are common and treatable. And dads, please remember that asking for help when you are struggling is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.
To talk with a doctor about prenatal or postpartum depression, call or request an appointment online.
Challenges Of Recognizing Ppd And Asking For Help
According to a 2021 survey by HealthyWomen of new moms, more than one-third cited not wanting to bother anyone as the reason for not discussing their PPD symptoms with anyone other reasons included guilt and embarrassment.
Many women I treat for PPD note that they didnt seek care sooner because they just thought the depression would go away on its own, says Dr. Deligiannidis.
According to the HealthyWomen survey, most moms do not plan ahead for their own mental health in the weeks that follow birth. The study noted that while 76% of pregnant women created a birth plan leading up to their babys arrival, only 21% created a plan that focused on their own maternal mental health after the baby was born.
It is my impression that women are aware that childbirth can often be associated with changes in mood and sleep, but that they dont think it would happen to them, remarks Dr. Deligiannidis. Many new moms feel pressure to do it all on their own after the baby is born. If thats what women believe, then why would women make a plan for support following birth? Unfortunately, this misbelief leads to women not planning ahead.
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Acknowledging Postpartum Depression Is Always The First Step To Recovery
The first major turning point in my wifes journey through postpartum depression came when she realized what shed been struggling with.
Some women already know, deep down, that something is wrong. They dont want to admit its PPD because of the stigma attached to mental illness. They might not say this out loud, but the thought is, Im better than this, if I just try harder Ill be better, depression doesnt happen to me.
The day that Kalee came to me and said, I think I have postpartum depression, suddenly everything made sense.
Other women have heard of PPD, but they dont know the symptoms. As soon as they do some reading, it clicks and suddenly everything makes sense THIS is whats been making things so hard.
For both types of women, discovering and acknowledging that they struggle with postpartum depression is the first step.
Before my wife knew she had postpartum depression, we had no idea what to do. We knew something was wrong, we thought one or both of us must be doing something wrong. I blamed her, she blamed me. I blamed myself, she blamed herself. It was a vicious and futile cycle.
The day that Kalee came to me and said, I think I have postpartum depression, suddenly everything made sense. We had something to put all the pain on it wasnt either of us, it was this mental illness that we didnt know about.
Suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Helping Partners And Spouses Of Women With Ppd
Postpartum depression is a devastating condition that not only affects the mother but can affect her partner or partner as well. There are many reasons for this and it is important for spouses to know that they do not have to suffer in silence during this time.
There are plenty of support resources available to husbands and partners who are struggling to cope with their wives condition. These support resources will be valuable tools for husbands, partners or spouses as their wives begin postpartum depression treatment and recovery.
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Plan Specific Ways To Get Together
Isolation is one of the most common symptoms of postpartum depression. You can help support a partner with depression by making plans with them, especially ones that allow for a little self-care. Go shopping for comfortable clothes that fit their postpartum body and help them feel confident.
If a friend or family member can watch the baby or you can afford to hire a babysitter, plan a movie date, or go out to dinner at one of your favorite restaurants.
Encourage Her To Develop A Support Network
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What If She Doesnt Think She Has Ppd
What do you do after youve already suggested that she might have PPD? What do you do if she doesnt want to go to a counselor or get any kind of help?
You can try asking her to share some of her thoughts and feelings with someone who can definitely tell her whether she has postpartum depression. For example, after she says that she doesnt have postpartum depression, you could reply with something like this:
I believe that you dont have postpartum depression, but I would still feel better if you would at least talk to someone about what youve been feeling. Maybe the next time were at the pediatrician you could just ask the doctor how to tell if you have PPD or not?
If that still doesnt work, you have three choices:
However, if you suspect that your wife or your baby are in danger, their safety is your top priority above all else.
Reaching Out For Help
Most of my postpartum doctor visits revolved around my baby, and the one geared toward me focused on my physical health. I did fill out the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale at my sons pediatricians office, and I revealed that I often cried for no reason, did not find the same joy in things I used to, and felt overwhelmed most of the time. However, he told me I was going through the baby blues, and it would naturally go away.
At my six-week postpartum checkup, my OB-GYN told me to call her back if I still felt symptoms when the baby was sleeping through the night. When I called my OB-GYN later to talk about my continued feelings of depression, the on-call nurse told me to try going outside and exercising more to fix it.
I convinced myself that I was probably overreacting or what I was feeling was normal and there was nothing to be done about it. However, my husband convinced me to keep reaching out for help. After I talked to my general practitioner about what I had been feeling, she diagnosed me with postpartum depression.
Without my partners support, I may not have realized that I needed help for postpartum depressionor found the strength to talk to four different providers about it before finally getting the care I needed to manage my symptoms.
Asking your partner to be your PPD spotterand coming up with a plan together to navigate PPD if it comes upcould help you feel better sooner. Here are some tips to help.
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Ways To Help Your Wife Cope With Postpartum Depression
The birth of a cute, healthy baby is a joyous milestone for the expectant couple that mostly overshadows the difficulties experienced during the whole pregnancy and beyond. We would expect couples, especially newly-minted mothers, to be absolutely ecstatic after delivery. But in some cases, the exact opposite may happen, plunging mothers and their partners into the rabbit hole that is postpartum depression.
Women may experience feelings of anxiety, exhaustion, and sadness after childbirth that usually last only a short while and resolve on its own. This is termed the baby blues, and is a seemingly common phenomenon for women, occurring in up to 70% of all new mothers. Postpartum depression, on the other hand, is a form of depression that is more intense, debilitating, and may last longer, even up to months after childbirth. It usually starts 1-3 weeks after delivery but may occur even up to 1 year after childbirth. According to the CDC, rates of postpartum depression may vary between 1 in 8 women to 1 in 5 women in the United States, which is definitely a cause for concern, as this condition can lead to health problems or even suicidal thoughts. Therefore, proper recognition and management of the condition is essential to avoiding potentially tragic complications, and the role of the husband cannot be overstated. Here we will look at 5 ways partners can help their wives cope with postpartum depression.
Avoid Being Judgmental Or Negative
Only 40% of Utah mothers diagnosed with postpartum depression ever seek help for their postpartum depression. Since the majority of cases go undiagnosed, this number is estimated to be closer to 17-20%. That means the majority of women suffering from postpartum depression are suffering silently. Since postpartum depression is incredibly treatable, with many mothers symptoms beginning to ease in as soon as 2 weeks and overall treatment success rate over 80%, theres no reason a mother should have to suffer on her own. However, due to stigma or fear of judgment, many mothers choose to hide their symptoms or refuse treatment. To have a positive conversation with your spouse or loved one about postpartum depression or anxiety, its important to be non-judgmental and to reinforce that it is not her fault. If youre skeptical, make sure to do your research beforehand to understand the physiological causes of postpartum depression before approaching your loved one.
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Postpartum Depression Marriage Tips
If youâre struggling with marriage problems during postpartum depression, know that you are not alone. Many couples face marital problems during this difficult time and learn to work through them in healthy ways.
Here are some tips to cope with and heal marriage problems during PPD:
PostpartumDepression.org Team
Kimberly Langdon is a Doctor of Medicine and graduated from The Ohio State University in 1991. She completed her residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at The Ohio State University Hospitals, Department of OB/GYN. Board-Certified in 1997, she is now retired from clinical practice after a long and successful career. Currently, she is the Founder and Chief Medical Officer of a Medical Device Company that is introducing patented products to treat vaginal microbial infections without the need for drugs. She is an expert in Vaginal Infections, Menstrual disorders, Menopause, and Contraception.
Approach The Conversation With Care
Focus on providing care during the conversation. It can be instinctual for a partner to go into problem-solving and analysis mode, but its important to remember that your spouse or loved one is likely sensitive and hurting about her struggle. Instead of statements like you dont seem like yourself or you seem to be having a hard time with motherhood, which can put your loved one on the defensive, start your sentences with I. It sounds cheesy, but its easier for your partner to hear what you feel than to feel like youre accusing or judging her. Try something like I noticed youve seemed anxious and overwhelmed, and I want to do what I can to help you feel better.
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